


I have to try

by SkerandaAo3



Category: Persona 5
Genre: 2/2, Aftermath, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Marukis Palace, One-Shot, What happened after Akechi left, royal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29184513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkerandaAo3/pseuds/SkerandaAo3
Summary: This is my short little drabble I wrote for 2/2 and 3/2. Because there's no way in hell Akira wouldn't try._________________Finally. This was it. Marukis Palace was crumbling to pieces around them. They had done it. And Akira had never been more scared in his life.Because he knew he was going to do it.Because he knew that it might be the worst, most selfish thing he has ever done.He was no better than any of the Palace rulers.But he couldn’t. He could notnot try.“Guys, I am so,sosorry. But I have to. I just can’t do this alone… So please, please, this time, I need you to help me. I promise that I will try my best, no, I promise that we can dobetter. I promise I will do anything to make sure you’ll be okay. So please, forgive me for being selfish, just this one time.”_________
Relationships: Kurusu Akira & Phantom Thieves of Hearts
Kudos: 25





	I have to try

Finally. This was it. Marukis Palace was crumbling to pieces around them. They had done it. And Akira had never been more scared in his life. 

Because he knew he was going to do it. 

Because he knew that it might be the worst, most selfish thing he has ever done. 

He was no better than any of the Palace rulers. 

But he couldn’t. He could not _not try_. 

The worst part was that despite knowing this, despite knowing the implications and the risks, he hadn’t even lost sleep last night. 

“Guys”, he started, voice thick and heavy from all the emotions lumping in his throat; hope, sadness, regret, fear, love, anticipation, grief, exhaustion, to name a few. 

They all stopped and turned to him, his strangled croak informing them that something was very, very wrong. 

He took a deep breath, swallowing back the choking ball of feels, before he made his small speech, looking them all in the eyes, trying to convey his shame at his selfishness, pleading for them to understand. “Guys, I am so, _so_ sorry. But I have to. I just can’t do this alone… So please, please, this time, I need you to help me. I promise that I will try my best, no, I promise that we can do _better_. I promise I will do anything to make sure you’ll be okay. So please, forgive me for being selfish, just this one time.”

Their eyes went wide as he spoke. They were not looking at Akira, but rather at what was floating in front of him, and he could see the moments each of them understood what he was implicating, what he was about to do. Morgana was first, followed by Makoto and Akechi, then Futaba, Yusuke, Haru, Ann and Ryuji in quick succession.

Their reactions ranged from disbelief, to shock, to simple surprise, all the way to amazement. Akira didn’t allow them any time to try and stop him. His hand moved. 

On the day before, when Maruki had given them their ultimatum, his first instinct had been to hide away and to never resurface again. There was no anger, no frustration, no fear. Just a sudden, all-encompassing feeling of tiredness, and even that had been quickly replaced by the sweet numbness of _nothing_. 

His chest had been hollowed out, his whole life taken away and thrown out the window, and Akira had wished the world to simply stop. He needed time to think. This couldn’t be it. There had to be a way. He had fought so hard, sacrificed so much, all for the sake of others. So why could he not keep one good thing for himself?

Was that so much to ask?

Would it be so bad to keep living in this reality? He was tired. He was done. He couldn’t do this any more. 

He couldn’t do this again. 

The engine room had been rough. It hadn’t even been that bad, in the beginning. There was no way that Akechi would die like that. Not after everything they had just shared. 

So he had kept waiting. Every day, he had come down to Leblanc, because surely, he would show up eventually. 

Every time he went out into the city, he kept scanning the crowds, each glimpse of long, light brown hair, or a silver briefcase, or that signature suit making his heart jump, before he realised his mistake. 

He had pushed the calling card back as far as he dared. 

He had fully expected him to show up during their fight with Shido, out of nowhere, to step in beside them. 

After the Palace had collapsed, and they had found Ryuji, he had stood to the side of the group hug, scanning the streets and the buildings for something, anything, _someone_ , because he had to be there. 

He had scoured every last corner of the Velvet Room prison until Lavenza had told him that there was nobody else there. 

That was when something inside Akira had finally broken. 

After Yaldabaoth, he had wanted nothing more than to go home and finally let go of his carefully kept composure.

And then, suddenly, there he was. It was the best moment of his life, until Sae had come and ripped them apart once more. But that had been bearable. Because he was still there. 

It had been even better when he had shown up at Leblanc one day, out of the blue, to talk. About what was wrong with their reality. 

Akira had never before been so excited to infiltrate a Palace, because there was no way they could fail, not if they were together, and things just had to turn out alright for once. 

In hindsight, he should have suspected. 

And Akechi was okay with this. Okay with leaving him for a third time, breaking him for a third time, when Akira knew full well that he would not recover from this, not anytime soon. 

There was no way he was going to be okay ever again, if he allowed this. 

Akechi had just walked out of his life without turning around. That was the worst part. And also the last straw. 

Akira didn’t believe for one second that he was okay with this.

He would scratch and bite and claw, find something, _anything_ , to keep the broken pieces of his heart together, because if it shattered once more, the splinters would bury themselves in his lungs, in his ribs, in his throat and his head, and he felt like he wanted to rather die than spend the rest of his years in the misery that was to come.

He was so helpless. 

He had killed a god, and yet, he was completely helpless when it came to saving the one thing that he needed. 

Time had lost its meaning that afternoon, and he had sat alone at the counter, staring at nothing and desperately wishing he could wake up. 

Desperately wishing there was something he could do. 

Desperately wishing he would have done something earlier. 

In hindsight, he could have done so much more. 

And now, it was too late. 

This time, he didn’t need a god to tell him.

Akira had lost the game. 

He didn’t know how or when, in his desperation, he had made his way through the nightly streets into the Velvet Room.

He didn’t remember any of the words he had screamed at Igor and Lavenza, how he had, in his pain and anguish, pleaded them to do something, anything to help, because there must be something they could do! With their weird powers and mysterious omniscience, how could they just let this happen?

How he had finally, after what felt like hours, sat on the blue floor, eyes dry despite everything, because he had just nothing left. 

It was not fair! They had admitted themselves that this was not fair! The game had been rigged from the start! Why had they chosen him? Why was Akira the one who had to suffer, despite accomplishing what they had wanted him to do?

Why was he the only one that lost?

How Lavenza had finally, after a long, long silence in the aftermath of Akiras breakdown, shown him a page in her book. A possibility. 

“There are risks. It happened once before, and I cannot guarantee that nothing will change, or that anything will change. It is truly a gamble with the highest possible stakes. You may not come out of it alive. Obtaining your Persona will give to you everything that you have gained, and it will grant the same to your friends. But if you fail to awaken, or to awaken your teammates, you may lose even more. But I believe in you, Trickster. If you call, they will come. You need only rally them to your cause.”

He understood the risks. He understood the danger. 

Here, in the Palace, debris falling around them, he clung onto the tiny shred of hope blossoming in his chest. This was what he needed to do. This was the only way he could possibly face the future. 

Here, in the final moment before Marukis reality vanished, Akira once again held the power. Before him, the abstract concept of what he was willing to happen appeared in simple, floating letters. The gift they had granted him: The World Arcana. In this tiny moment, fate itself was his to command.

**Do you want to restart the Game?**

To have a future, he had to change the past. 

Before is team could interfere, he slammed his hand down. “I’ll be back!” he promised them with a smile and tears. “Just wait for me.” 

**Yes**


End file.
